"I was tired of being humiliated again and again. I don't want to play cricket at the mercy of others," Sourav Ganguly said in an int
erview published in a Bengali daily on Wednesday. The interview was given right after the former India captain announced his decision on Tuesday to quit from all forms of international cricket after the India-Australia series.
Pouring his heart out, India's most successful Test captain and most successful left-handed batsman said that it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to put up with the constant humiliation. "It doesn't make sense to play cricket like this. I have played enough cricket."
Ganguly had scored heavily in Test cricket after his comeback in 2006, barring the recent away series against Sri Lanka. He wondered why he was the only player being targeted all the time. "Everything is possible in Indian cricket. When Greg (Chappell) chopped me, TP Singh (of Railways and now with the ICL) was my replacement. Where is he now," he asked.
A sarcastic Ganguly then went on to say, "There are players who haven't scored for last three series for India, even for the last one year. There are some who have changed their hairstyle more than they have scored for India."
The former Indian captain admitted that the decision to quit had hurt him emotionally.
He went on to say that being on constant trial had hurt him emotionally. "I am bound to feel bad. I had to fight with my heart. If there is a gun to your head all the time, how long can you bear this? After all, I have played 400 matches for India. I have played badly in only one series. Yet every Tom, Dick and Harry is playing in the team."
When Ganguly was asked about choosing the Ashtami Day for making his decision public, he replied, "I thought of ending all miseries before Durga Puja. There's too much confusion. People are double-faced and I can't take it anymore.
"I thought a lot before reaching this decision. I have also thought about my plans for the next one year. If this committee had come three years earlier, the situation would have been slightly better for me. I didn't expect to be chopped from the Irani Trophy team. I was really hurt by this incident."
The earlier selection committee led by Dilip Vengsarkar had dropped Ganguly from the Rest of India squad. He was retained in the Test team by the new selection committee led by Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tired of constant humiliation: Sourav Ganguly
Sunday, August 31, 2008
OLD LADY DRIVERS
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS ARE PAID SO HIGH
PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS ARE PAID SO MUCH......
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.
TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the same ..!!!! )
1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
4) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
5) Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____# ###
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
7) Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
8) Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
9) Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
10) Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
11) Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
12) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
13) Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
The best of the lot
14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the start up and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Height Of it all (Too Good)
15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust : sure !!!!
CCO : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
"THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX"
Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....
Be careful while you answering, No one will GET second chance to impress....
Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ...
Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,
it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:
An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?
He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."
Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"
The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"
Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.
Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.
Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked
Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate.
Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?
Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"
He got selected.
You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.
(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)
Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"
Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?
People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...
But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura.
In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.
So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!
Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview.
Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."
Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table,
then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....
And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........
This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....
Advanced Medicine
An Israeli doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks".
A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Russian doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Village Idiot
Once upon a time there was a village named Egoville hidden away
in the mountains. Now, this village, like most villages, had
their own idiot. His name was Hugh Millety.
Hugh, the village idiot, was the ridicule of Egoville.
The towns folk would often set him up with silly choices in order
to laugh mercilessly at him when he made the wrong choice.
"Hugh," they'd say, "would you rather have this shiny new
quarter or this dirty old torn dollar bill?"
"I'd like the shiny quarter," Hugh would reply. His tormentor
would give him the quarter and walk away laughing, declaring
Hugh a true village idiot. Hugh would just shrug and go about
his business.
Even though it was a poor village with little opportunity, this
was repeated several times a day by many people. As the years
went by, the ridicule became a ritual that dozens of townies
took part in. The towns folk had little to their names, but at
least they could feel better about themselves in comparison to
the village idiot this way. It was their small comfort in the
lap of poverty.
Not everyone would make fun of Hugh though. A few felt sorry for
him and gave him hand-me-down clothes, leftover food, and even
an old shack to live in at the edge of town. Hugh lived off of
the handouts of the charitable few.
One day, Hugh showed up at the village square wearing a brand new
suit. Everyone was amazed, for few people in the town could afford
new clothing, let alone a nice suit. The small village didn't even
have a new clothing store, only a used clothing store.
One of townsfolk asked Hugh where he got his new suit, thinking
he must have stolen it. He bought it, he told them. And
furthermore he added, the fine new house being built on the
mountainside that everyone was wondering about, that was his.
When questioned where he got the money, he told them it was the
money they gave him. With people giving him food, clothing, and
shelter, he simply saved and invested everything they gave him.
"I may be your village idiot," he smiled and said,
"but I'm no fool."
But why then, they asked, did he always take the lesser amount
of money they offered him if he was so cunning?
Hugh replied that if he had taken the greater amount of money,
they would have stopped offering it to him. He earned his money
by letting them laugh at him, but he knew the first time he took
the greater amount they'd stop offering him money and find
something else to laugh at him about.
"Now," said Hugh, "I'm the richest person in town and have all
the money I need. I didn't waste money amusing myself at the
expense of someone I falsely perceived to be a lesser person.
And you, all of you, have little more now than you had when you
started ridiculing me. So tell me, who is the village idiot now?"
Hugh smiled again, then handed out hundred dollar bills to those
who had been kind to him. The townsfolk were shocked. It was
true though, they had frittered away their money a little at a
time, trying to make themselves feel big by comparison to the
village idiot.
It just goes to show you, if you live in Egoville, take care not
to become the village idiot by your vain perceptions. On the
other hand, if you follow the wisdom of Hugh Millety, you might
just become the richest person in town.
LOVE TO LOVE YOU
I DON'T NEED
What You Think And Feel
What is 710......... ..???
This doesn't mean all women are stupid when it comes to cars....But there always are (a lot of) exceptions!!
Yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked,"What is a seven-hundred- ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine.I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is.........
Management- fundas
Same"
"At least not tomorrow!"
Office-management- fundas
7. "Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
13. "We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
Nurse Nancy
Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.
''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says.
''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!''
''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!''
All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway.
''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''
Friday, June 6, 2008
The Mystery of the Moving Rocks
The moving rocks, also known as sliding rocks or sailing stones, are a geological phenomenon found in Racetrack Playa, a seasonally dry lake (a playa) located in the Panamint Mountains in Death Valley National Park, California. The rocks move across the surface of the playa, leaving long tracks behind them as they go, without human or animal intervention.
They have never been seen or filmed in motion.
Racetrack rocks only move once every two or three years and most tracks last for just three or four years. Rocks with rough bottoms leave straight striated tracks while those with smooth bottoms wander. Most of the moving stones originate from an 850 foot (260 m) high hillside made of dark dolomite on the south end of the playa, but some are intrusive igneous rock from adjacent slopes. Tracks are often tens to hundreds of feet (low to high tens of meters) long, a few to 12 inches (8 to 30 cm) wide, and typically less than an inch (2.5 cm) deep.
Over the years there were many speculations and possible explanations made on how the stones move, ranging from supernatural to very complex. Most hypotheses favored by interested geologists posit that strong winds when the mud is wet are at least in part responsible. But some stones weigh as much as a human, which some researchers feel is too heavy for the area's wind to move. They maintain that ice sheets around the stones either help to catch the wind or move in ice flows.But both theories don't explain how two rocks right next to each other could go in two opposite directions or one could stay put while the one three times the size, doesn't. So far every attempt of explanation has been insufficient and purely assumptive. The mystery of moving rocks is yet to be revealed.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Why angry???
Got this in mail......!!!!!!!
but it let me think so I shared with you all...
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, What is this?
The Son replied It is a crow
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, What is this?The Son said Father, I have just now told you Its a crow.
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Sons tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. Its a crow, a crow.A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, What is this? This time the Son shouted at his Father,Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times IT IS A CROW. Are you not able to understand this?
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child.
While the little child asked him 23 times What is this, the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So..If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today.
Say a prayer to God, I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Teacup
There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store. This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially tea cups.
Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked, "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."
As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea cup spoke, "You don't understand," it said. "I have not always been a tea cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over, and I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone,' but he only smiled, and gently said, 'Not yet!'
Then... WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and quietly said, 'Not yet.' He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then... then he put me in the oven.
I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. 'Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook His head from side to side, 'Not yet.' "When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool.
Oh, that felt so good! Ah, this is much better, I thought. "But, after I cooled, he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please, stop it, stop it!!' I cried. He only shook his head and said, 'Not yet!'
Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited... and waited... wondering, "What's he going to do to me next? !"
An hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.' And I did.
"I said, 'That's not me. That couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!'
Quietly he spoke: 'I want you to remember back to the beginning,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted but, had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel but, if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt, and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven but, if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over but, if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'"
The moral of this story is this: God knows what He is doing with each of us. He is the Potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures - of just the right kinds - so that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will
So... when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this...brew a cup of your favorite tea in your nicest tea cup, sit down, and think of this story. Then have a talk with the Potter.
Isaiah 64:8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
He Loves Me
~He Loves Me This I Know~
I hold a daisy in my hand
Its beauty pure and rare.
I ask myself does he care?
How do I know?
I pull the petals off one by one.
He loves me, he loves me not.
On and on I pull the petals to know
Does he love me or does he love me not.
Finally, I get to the last petal left
And know that this time
He loves me and he is mine.
I smile and joy in my heart is felt.
Does this little game tell it right?
Is that all there is to know
His love to me he will show?
A better way is how I feel when he holds me tight.
Love is a special feeling
That into the heart comes stealing
When he comes into view
And smiles before kissing you.
Love is complete when returned
By acts sweet and genuine
Joining your heart with mine,
Committed to a life of sharing.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
The Affair Story
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cre mated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,
'the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of w ine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied,
'now just rest and let the poison work.'
I Will
Missing You
Can't sleep, my mind won't still...
For I Love You, My Darling, I Love You so much.
WHY MEN LIE
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river, his axe fell into the river.When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'Why are you crying?' The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water,and he needed the axe to make his living.The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.The woodcutter replied, 'No.'
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.'Is this your axe?'the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, 'No.'The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.'Is this your axe?'the Lord asked.'Yes', he replied.The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him allthree axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!'The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.'Is this your wife?' the Lord asked. 'Yes,' cried the woodcutter.The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, 'Oh, forgive me, Lord. It isa misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to shareme with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.'
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his wife!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Share Your Feelings
Classic Deadlock
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss andI will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is goingabroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: I have work for a week, so you neednot come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for aweek I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Letsspend the week together.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I amspending my time with my grandson. We cannot attendthat meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my bosshas some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spendthis week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is givingprivate tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, myteacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry Ican't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry thisweek we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
Some very good and Very bad things
The most destructive habit....... ......... ......Worry
The greatest Joy......... ......... ......... ....Giving
The greatest loss........ ........Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work........ .......Helping others
The ugliest personality trait....... ......Selfishness
The most endangered species..... ....Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource.... ......... ..Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"........ ..Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.... ......... ....Fear
The most effective sleeping pill........ Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease..... .......Excuses
The most powerful force in life........ ......... .Love
The most dangerous pariah...... ......... ...A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.... ....The brain
The worst thing to be without..... ......... ..... Hope
The deadliest weapon...... ......... ........The tongue
The two most power-filled words....... ........" I Can"
The greatest asset....... ......... ......... .....Faith
The most worthless emotion..... ......... ....Self- pity
The most beautiful attire...... ......... .......Smile!
The most prized possession.. ......... .....Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication. . ....Prayer
The most contagious spirit...... ......... ..Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life........ ......... ..GOD
Worth The Time
Ironically, when we get busy, the first thing that tends to get cut back is our meditation practice. We have less time and a lot on our plates, so it makes sense that this happens, but in the end it doesn't really help us. Most of us know from experience that we function much better when we give ourselves time each day to sit in silence. And the more we have to do, the more we need that solitary, quiet time for the day ahead. As a result, while it may sound counterintuitive, it is during busy times that we most need to spend more time in meditation rather than less. By being quiet and listening to the universe, we will be given what we need to get through our day.
Expanding our morning meditation by just 10 minutes can make a big difference, as can the addition of short meditations into our daily schedule. The truth is, no matter how busy we are, unless we are in the midst of a crisis we always have five or 10 minutes to spare. The key is convincing ourselves that spending that time in meditation is the most fruitful choice. We could be getting our dishes done or heading into work earlier instead, so it’s important that we come to value the importance of meditation in the context of all the other things competing for attention in our lives. All we have to do to discover whether it works to meditate more when we are busy is to try it.
We can start by creating more time in the morning, either by getting up earlier or by preparing breakfast the night before and using the extra time for meditation. We can also add short meditation breaks into our schedule, from five minutes before or after lunch to a meditation at night before we go to sleep. When we come from a place of centered calm, we are more effective in handling our busy schedules and more able to keep it all in perspective. If more time in meditation means less time feeling anxious, panicky, and overwhelmed, then it’s certainly worth the extra time.
Some lessons
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?""It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies."Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."Puff! He's gone."OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.""Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of these stories:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
CHEVRON OIL COMPANY LIMITED UNITED KINGDOM JOB OPPORTUNITIES
Today when I opened my inbox I saw a mail and I am shocked to see that.....
have a look.........
CHEVRON OIL LIMITED UKJob VacanciesJob ID: PKS/JV/GKH 02467-06 CHEVRON OIL LIMITED UK,has immediate employment opportunities. CHEVRON LIMITED intends to invite experienced individuals/expatriates or Consultancy firm capable of rendering expertise services in various fields of Business Management, M.B.A (Finance), Administrative and Commissioning, CHEVRON has immediate employment/Vacancies in following Designations. Accountant,pertoleum.engineers,geologist, Duty Manager,FrontManager,management, Drivers, Cost Controller/Manager, Customer Manager, Computer Applicant, Software/Hardware Engineers, Elect. Engineer, Auto Engineer. E.t.c. Experienced is preferred, but we're willing to train an eager individual who wants to learn all aspects. ENTITLEMENT, BENEFITS AND PACKAGES;. A very attractive net salary paid in US$, Sterling or Euros equivalent depending on employee home country and currency preference with annual salary review.. Quality single or family housing accommodation in company community.. Free medical/dental care for employee and family.. Excellent educational assistance benefits with family status employment. . Paid airfares allowing full flexibility with holiday travel.. Personal effects shipment and excess baggage allowances.. Full access to some of the finest and social recreational facilities.. Life Insurance and Paid vacation.. Official vehicle/Maximum security in work environment and housing community.. FREE MEDICAL SERVICES JOB STATUS: Full-Time and contractSALARY INDICATION:Minimum US$14,500-USD.Depending upon experience and field of specialization. Interested candidates are to email resume and details of experience.
For further information's and sending of resumes, you can contact the director in charge with the phone number or an email as seen below:
Phone: +447024091143. David Satchel, Personal Manager
Email: (chevronoil_jobsuk@yahoo.com)
Since they are offering so huge package,I guess it is a scam,so people be aware of this
When I google about this I found the simmilar results.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Teenpatti in Orkut
Since I love orkut its my favorite time pass.
I love net surfing so much.
now a days there were few things that are added to orkut recently.
some of the applications are enjoyed by the orkut users,one of them is teenpati
Even I love that game.
Most of the orkut user love to play that game with friends and others instead of chatting.
you can also chatt with the players while playing.
Also if you want to practice and get some virtual cash to practice, you can add bots and practice....
jus try it its fun....
My search funds
When I m looking to my mails today,I found a mail regarding this"mysearchfunds.com"
have a look............
"I have started using a great web search service that allows me to earn money from searching in my normal way. It`s quick and free to set up, keeps you up to date on your earnings and pays out monthly.http://www.mysearchfunds.co.uk/apply001.asp?Friend=50037 "
I joined the program I hope its not fake.if this is true and not a scam, then it will be fun.Since I used to do googling so much and if I earne through this,then what's better than this.
amazing one,but still I have a question,Why one pay for this?
since all results are from google so what's there benefit.Why they are paying for such thing.!!!!
When I m looking into that site,I found it more interesting because they also pay for the refrals earnings
"Recommend My Search Funds to your friends and you can earn even more. When they sign up with us you get 10% of all the revenue we earn from their searches and even more if they pass it on!"
its a great idea, but please suggest me whether I should go for this or its just a scam.
What Science Cannot Explain
Today I was reading a article in The Times of India,"What Science Cannot Explain"
Stories of scores breakthroughs made in science and technology cannot take away from the fact that there exist some phenomenon that we still can't explain.
some of them are listed here.....
Ghosts, Apparitions, and Spirits
Ghosts have long since solidified a place in history and everyday life. You turn on the TV and shows center on spirits and 'ghost whisperers.' There are people who believe they can contact the dead and have made a living off of displaying this 'gift.' Since science cannot give concrete proof that spirits of the dead do not exist – some are at a complete loss – unwilling to at least give the thought a chance.
Near-Death Experiences
There are many people who claim to have neared death and experienced a variety of mystical outcomes as a result. Some people describe traveling into a tunnel filled with light; being able to establish contact with loved ones in the spirit world; and gain a sense of peace before coming back to life – remembering the details of this incident often described as a 'near-death' experience.
Body and Mind…
The mind is so complicated that medical science has only explored the tip of the iceberg. The mind influences the body, but we do not exactly know how. For example, the body possesses the ability to heal itself that far surpasses drugs and other medical approaches. Let's take the placebo effect for instance – some people can bring about a sense of relief and lack of pain associated with medical symptom just by believing that a certain cure is effective. Now, that is power you just don’t understand that quickly.
Intuition
Whether you refer to it as a 'gut feeling' or a 'sixth sense' or that 'weird feeling' - intuition is an experience that many will say they have undergone. While tons of gut feeling have turned out wrong – what about the ones that actually were right? Psychologists have already mentioned that people have the ability to subconsciously gather information about the surrounding world that can produce a 'sense' of 'something'.
UFOs
Some argue that we cannot exactly prove why we are here; therefore how can we disprove that other living things and creatures exist in the world (or Solar System for that matter). With black holes and depths of space we have no clue about – who's to say that some other planet just like ours thrives. Unidentified Flying Objects have been around since the start of time, as ancient art reveals. In the sky, a lot of things have been noted. Sometimes, it is a simple aircraft or a meteor – other times – the pilots in the sky see something they cannot explain as well. Some believe in aliens and spacecraft outside of human control, and as hard as the government tries to disprove objects in the air that no one really knows what it is – science cannot completely make the statement that it is out of the realm of possibility. This is probably the same thing that aliens are saying about us – 'how did they get here?'
Déjà vu
Maybe the movie with Denzel Washington was a bit far-fetched – but I've had experiences of déjà vu myself, where I know exactly what is going to happen before it does because I feel like it has already happened before. I believe almost everyone has had this feeling in some form or another. It's more complicated that just saying you feel like you’ve met someone before or visited a place before. Actual events seem to unfold right before your very eyes with a sense of unnerving familiarity.
Déjà vu is the French phrase for 'already seen' and some believe that it possesses a link to psychic experiences or showcases pieces of a previous life you may have lived. Right in the same boat as intuition, déjà vu is viewed as a mystery that perhaps human psychology might be able to unlock. However, the cause and background on this phenomenon could remain a mystery and isn't something science can lend a hand with.
Psychic Powers and ESP
The topic of psychic powers has drummed up controversy for many years now, and you can lump ESP (extra sensory perception) right in the same boat. When it comes to unexplained phenomenon, you cannot deny that certain things are proclaimed at the oddest and most correct times. A lot of people believe that intuition is also a form of psychic power, as it is just another way of tapping into some special portal to the future. Researchers have showed an interest in people with these 'special powers' and have conducted tests.
Bigfoot and Other "Mythical" Creatures
Many of years have passed and the legend of the large, hairy beasts that resemble men (usually called Bigfoot) still make the rounds in folklore, supposed sightings, and news headlines. Eyewitness accounts have been reported in North America and all over the world, as people swear they have captured the beast on film during hiking trips and family camping outings.
While the legend is still active, it is pretty curious that not one single body has been found. A hunter has never accidentally killed a Bigfoot. They haven't been hit by a car like deer crossing the road and the lifespan must be amazing because – natural causes has never taken the life of a Bigfoot.
Is science ever gonna find out about them or they will remain as a mystery.
Is we dont have suffiecient scintific knowledge to find out about them.
Are they remain a mystery for us.
How long it will take to know about them.???????????????
these were the certain quetions that makes me think when I read that article about them.
are we insufficient to find out about them.!!!
Is our scientist incapable to finding this.
Rajasthan village with just 12 girls
DEVDA VILLAGE (JAISALMER): A wedding procession hardly makes headlines but in Devda, it certainly will. Ten years ago, a baraat arrived at the doors of a Rajput family in this sleepy village, the first time in 105 years that a Rajput kanya was getting married in Devda. A decade after that grand celebration, the villagers are still waiting to give away a daughter's hand in marriage. The Rajputs in the village, with a population of about 2,000, take pride in claiming that they form the majority here. But there are only 12 girls in the 70-odd Rajput houses and just one of them above the age of 10 and just one family with more than one daughter in the house - the consequence of years of the abominable practice of female infanticide. And with the arrival of technology in shape of sonography, even girl foetuses haven't been spared. It was Inder Singh Bhati and his wife who initiated a change 27 years ago, when they literally gifted life to their newborn baby-girl. While everybody else around them killed their daughters, the couple decided to let their child live, probably because they had already lost three sons before her birth. "I don't remember what we were thinking then but it was my wife who took this decision. I only supported her," admits Inder Singh. What he remembers is how difficult it was. "We were often taunted, people talked behind our backs and initially, my daughter, Jawan Kaur, was also frowned upon. Gradually, she was accepted," he says. And, when his children got married, he made it a point to tell them not to kill their daughters, Inder Singh says. "Things have changed and improved a bit. We do have girls around now," Inder Singh says, while admitting that baby girls are killed even today in the village. " Kya karein? A good match for a girl means lots of money for her dowry. As farmers from a drought-hit region, not all can afford it." It was six years after the birth of Jawan Kaur that another girl child, her younger sister, survived the practice. That girl, Sugandh Kaur, has grown up to be 21 and it's her wedding that villagers are now looking forward to. "I never liked going to the village after didi's wedding. There were no girls around and I always felt lonely," says Sugandh, who now lives in Jaisalmer with her family. She knows she's a lucky one. "My mother has often told me about how girls are killed. I am lucky my father is an educated man, who had moved to the city much before my birth," she says. Sugandh is engaged and is proud that her baraat would be warmly welcomed in Devda next year. Back in Devda, Chandra Kaur, 16, is the only girl who is above 10 years. "It's a relief to see the Rajput families finally respecting their girl children. No doubt they are few in number even today but at least, they are there. As children, we had never seen a girl child in any of the Rajput houses, forget baraats coming to their houses," says Chandraprakash Ojha, a schoolteacher from the village. The example set by Inder Singh Bhati and his wife appears to have caught on. Another woman, also named Sugandh Kaur, 52, has three daughters and two sons. Her elder son has two daughters aged seven and five - Evan Kaur and Pavan Kaur; the younger son has a one-month-old baby girl, Bhavan Kaur, who is the youngest girl in the village. "I believe that girls are born to their own fate. We can't kill them just because we don't have money. Their fate will find a way for their bright future. I don't want my daughters-in-law to sin the way I did," says Sugandh, admitting that she had killed one of her daughters years ago. Her decision to let her other daughters live has earned her special respect from the villagers, especially the non-Rajput communities. "Initially, eyebrows were raised but now everyone praises us. I have to admit it was my mother's decision," says Sangh Singh, the elder son, adding that they are even ready to welcome more girls in the family.
Adding sitemap....!!!!
Once you finished with the verification of your site or blog,now go for adding sitemap to your blog.
atom.xml is default sitemap for your blogspot blog
1.Go to the dashboard of webmasters tools.
3.Select general web sitemap option from the drop down menu.
4.Just add atom.xml in from of your blog URL,and you are done.
Add Google sitemap to get your blog crawled in google search easily .
If you have submitted your blog in Google search engine but it is not indexing your most of the web pages than adding Google sitemap to your blog is an easy way to get your pages indexed in Google search . To add Google sitemap on your blog just follow these steps :
1. Fist go to Google sitemap webpage .
2. Login to Google account and enter your blog name in add-site bar than click ok .
8.Paste that meta tag here after head section.
Once you finished with verification of your site......
now add site map.....
check this to know more how to add sitemap
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